


Light Among the Dark

by Fireflower



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, Inspired by Music, Love Letters, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflower/pseuds/Fireflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi's dark thoughts are getting the better of him and Kuroo can't stand to see him so hurt anymore. It feels like there's only one shot left at trying to make things better and it's all or nothing. Will the two be able to make it through everything or does it all need to end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. broken down but not defeated

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy the story, I hope it hits you in the feels bc GOOD GOOD EXCELLENT UR TEARS ARE GREAT  
> just kidding I just want ya'll to love this pair as much as I do. Please leave a comment if you want to! :)

The boy on the bed opened his eyes slowly trying to blink away the light streaming in through the blinds. Shifting in bed his hand hits something hard and he slowly stretches to see books littered across the entire bed. He slumped back into the bed and under the covers hoping the blanket could provide protection from the outside world. But Sawamura Daichi wasn’t a little kid anymore to believe a piece of cloth could do something like that. Besides, it wasn’t the outside world that hurt him but his own mind. The young man wanted to get out bed but his body felt depleted of energy and he sunk back in, the indent of the bed welcoming the curves of his body perfectly.

This was the third day spent completely in bed and no matter how much the world may be telling him to get up, his mind was just darkness. Daichi shifted trying to find his perfect position so he could avoid the harsh edges of the books around him. He needed to avoid all the edges; he needed to avoid the touch that would remind him of his failures. The textbooks were opened to pages covered in words describing diseases and anatomy, distorted bodies that pointed at the man cowering under his covers laughing at him. Daichi shut his eyes trying to close out the images but the laughs echoed in his mind soon being replaced by harsh words. _You failure, can’t even understand this page, country boy can’t do anything, failure, failure, failure…_

* * *

 

The streets of Tokyo are always bustling with people and noise. Two men find themselves navigating through the people, pushing and apologizing until they walked into each other. Koushi looked at the chest in front of him and then travelled up to meet familiar eyes looking down at him. They laughed thinking of the odds of running into each other in such a large city and then entered the coffee shop both were heading towards. After placing their orders the other man kindly offered to bring the drinks and told Koushi to find a place to sit. Koushi watched the taller man wait at the counter and couldn’t help but notice how exhausted he looked. The bedhead was natural for the man but the dark under eye circles were not something he used to see on the former volleyball captain. The other man put the drinks down on the table and sat down with a sigh.

“I know we’re old but I didn’t think we were that old Kuroo-kun.” Koushi chuckled as he watched the other man groan from body pains and glare at him. But the glare quickly softened and the other man laughed along.

“My destiny was to always be an old man Suga.” Kuroo struck a pose and watched as his friend laughed. It had been a few months since they had seen each other but theirs was an odd friendship that managed quite well. Kuroo always used to worry that the other man would hate him for taking his best friend away from him but all those worries were crushed when Suga was the one to set the two men up.

“How have you been, you kind of look like death.” Koushi watched as his friend took a sip of his coffee and sat still as if letting the drink soak into every corner of his body. It was as if the coffee was keeping the body alive.

“Is death a hot look? I do have a reputation to uphold.” The other man tried joking but stopped and just stared at Koushi with dark eyes. He looked into dark eyes that were usually glinting with mischief but now all Koushi could see was sadness that seemed to be transforming the eyes into a bottomless pool ready to drag down another person. He had seen those eyes before. He had seen those eyes reflecting back at him in mirrors for almost years.

“How bad is he?” Koushi put his drink down and reached over the table for Kuroo’s hand. Kuroo’s face flashed with surprise before breaking into an expression Koushi could only describe as desperate.

“How many years has he been battling this?” a dark laugh escaped Kuroo’s mouth that sent shivers down Koushi’s back. “I don’t know how I can help him, I-I need help Suga.” He looked up into his friend’s eyes looking for answers. He searched every corner of a face that not only empathized but seemed to know exactly the situation Kuroo was in.

With a great big sigh Koushi settled into his chair understanding the reunion would no longer be full of joy and laughter. He rubbed circles into Kuroo’s hand hoping to somehow transfer his energy to the other man. “Daichi, he’s been a nervous guy for a long time but it was nothing out of the ordinary. But then in high school he started changing. I didn’t notice soon enough but the pressures of being captain and exams for university it all started piling up on him. He-he just cracked and I didn’t notice until he had his first panic attack at my house. He’s been struggling with his mind, with this anxiety that feeds him these thoughts ever since then.” Koushi’s voice shook as he remembered the night Daichi broke down. Lots of things were thrown and broke but nothing hurt Koushi more than seeing Daichi so hurt. “He went and talked to someone and started showing signs of recovery. He needed someone to sit there and listen and go into his mind and it was past the point of his friends doing it, even me. He’s been doing a lot better, has more control, at least I thought…” Koushi looked down at his lap, he couldn’t bear to look at his friend across from him. He didn’t think something like this could happen again. In fact he thought it would never happen with Kuroo because Koushi had seen how Kuroo made Daichi feel. He couldn’t bear to look up because he knew that if there was anyone in the world that would take this situation harder than he did back then it was Kuroo. But he finally looked up and Kuroo was staring out the window. The two sat in silence for some time letting the hustle and bustle from the shop around them settle in the back of their minds. Koushi took a sip of his now cold drink and noticed Kuroo coming out of his thoughts.

“I need to be there for him. I need to be there for him as much as I possibly can and then maybe he will open up to me. Suga…I need a favor.” Koushi looked into eyes that were burning with hope and strength. He was finally looking into eyes that looked like they could conquer anything, these eyes had so much love in them Koushi couldn’t help but feel both relieved and jealous of Daichi.

“Anything.”

* * *

 


	2. blanket of letters and notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Kuroo's plan in play he hopes that everything works out for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Won't Give Up-Jason Mraz, play it when the * shows up in the story. Enjoy! The words after the (~) are lyrics from the song as the story goes along

Daichi reached for his cellphone and held the button down until it shook back to life, warming up and then buzzing non-stop with notifications. His eyes roamed over the messages, voicemails, and emails, everyone was concerned but they were also going on with their lives. His thumb kept scrolling past the notifications until he came to a series of texts from Kuroo. They were from a few days ago and went from flirty to concerned quickly. The last one said: You have to talk to me, please. Say something Dai…

 _He hates you. He’s going to leave you. You don’t even deserve him,_ thoughts hissed into Daichi’s mind slithering out of the darkness that had been calm. But this time Daichi couldn’t even fight his thoughts because for once they were right. It had been months since Suga set them up on their first date and Daichi couldn’t believe his luck when Kuroo told him he liked him. Daichi had always felt some kind of pull towards the man, and the feelings only grew over time but that was all done now. Daichi hadn’t talked to Kuroo for almost a week, how long could his boyfriend stay with a guy who shut him out of his life? Kuroo was tall, handsome, talented, and smart, it didn’t even make sense why he was with a loser like him in the first place. Daichi curled into a ball trying to block out the pain as his thoughts hissed around him. He felt his phone vibrate and glanced at the bright screen letting his eyes adjust to the light. A new message brought Daichi out of his thoughts especially when he saw it was from the very man he was thinking of.

 **Kurrrrrrrroo:** Go to your door.

It was as if the text was embedded with pixels of strength that transferred into Daichi’s body as he heaved himself off his bed. As books fell to the floor he opened his door and slugged through the empty apartment. When he got to the door he opened it expecting to see his boyfriend waiting for him but there was nothing _. He left you, he knows how much of a failure you are._ He shook his head as he looked around wondering if the other man was hiding somewhere but felt something brush against his leg. Daichi looked down to see a large box at his feet and picked it up and took it to his room. He closed the door behind him and got back in bed wrapping his blanket around himself and the box. Bracing himself he opened the box to see it had a small stereo in it. When Daichi reached down to pull it out he saw the envelopes scattered at the bottom of the box. There was also a little note attached to the stereo and when he opened it all it said was: Play me.

Daichi couldn’t help but smile a little being reminded of Alice in Wonderland. Even in his darker moments Kuroo appeared in his mind with his Cheshire Cat smile pushing away some of the darkness. He plugged in the stereo and pressed play taking out the numbered letters from the box as static filled the room waiting to transform into a musical pulse.*

* * *

 

“You think it’s going to help?” Kuroo paced the room as he looked down at his friend who was spread out on the couch reading a book.

“I don’t know, but you can help the both of us and stop pacing. Sit down Kuroo, you’re stressing me out.” Koushi looked up from his book and saw the other man had finally stopped moving. They had come back to Koushi’s apartment and Kuroo explained his plan, if his two friends were in better mind he would’ve definitely teased Kuroo for how sappy the plan was. But at the same time it brought a smile and lots of warmth in his heart. He could understand why Daichi was pulled to this man, so many sides to him.

“Look Kuroo, I know you’re worried, but it’s not in our hands anymore. Why don’t you rest for a while you look like you could use some sleep. A lot of sleep. Don’t wake up until I wake you up actually.” Koushi grabbed the other man’s arm and led him to the bedroom in the back and led him to the bed.

“If I wasn’t so exhausted I would definitely be putting up a fight Suga.” Kuroo huffed even though he graciously slipped under the covers of the bed and let the softness cradle him. Kuroo’s eyes immediately shut from the sensation of a bed but before Suga could slip out he whispered:

“Can’t wait to tell Daichi you took me to your bed.” Suga whipped his head back and slapped his hand over his mouth. He looked at the man knocked out on the bed and couldn’t help but laugh. Kuroo was curled up with the covers wrapped around him and sounded like he was purring. Suga closed the door quietly and he felt his body drop against the door. His legs had finally given out and he sat there for a while wiping away silent tears as he took in the day.

 _Please, please let the two of them be okay. Let them stand back up after all this._ He thought as he dropped his head to his knees shaking as his mask of positivity finally fell away to show the raw emotions underneath.

* * *

 

Daichi opened the envelope marked with a large number 1 on it and slowly pulled the letter out. As he unfolded the paper the stereo hummed to life with the soft notes of a guitar. The notes wrapped around the room and seemed to lift Daichi up in the air and hugged him as he read the first letter.

“Sawamura,

I don’t know if I’ll ever get the courage to send this letter to you but I know I definitely needed to write it. Today is the last day of our training camp and we’re almost done with high school. I can’t really bear going far away from you without telling you about the rush of feelings you give me. I mean I thought it was just an appreciation for a life but every time I see you it’s like I’m sinking into my own feelings. Oh man that’s so cheesy but it’s so true…” The letter was dated years back but Daichi could recognize Kuroo’s handwriting with just a glance and this was authentic. The words of the English song wrapped around him and held him as Daichi finished the letter and began to open the second one.

~when I look into your eyes, it’s like watching the night sky~

“Hey,

I never sent the first one and I probably won’t send this either but I like you Sawamura. I like you a lot. We came back to Tokyo and all I can think about is how far away the next training camp period is. My first letter was pretty bold and I’ve cooled my head so maybe I won’t be as embarrassing in this one. How are you? How’s the team? How’s that rowdy little guy, Hinata-kun? Kenma can’t stop talking about him but it’s great to see him making friends. You’ve got quite a team there, we can’t wait to play you guys. That moment on the court with you guys, it always leaves me wanting to taste more and I have to say it’s all because of you. You’re an amazing captain Sawamura and one hell of a player…”

~I see that you’ve come so far, to be right where you are~

Hot tears were falling from Daichi’s eyes as he finished his fourth letter and felt the words of the song hold him close. Each letter had been written at a time Daichi thought he was the only one feeling a type of way toward the other man. Each letter held words that filled his heart with the love only Kuroo constantly poured into his soul. With each page Daichi could feel his mind become lighter as the darkness retreated into a corner.

~and when you’re needing your space, to do some navigating, I’ll be here patiently waiting~

He reached for the last enveloped marked with a swift number 10 on the front. He held it in his hands feeling the weight of the paper and the words that would be written across the pages that would soon fill his soul. Tentatively opening it his fingers reached in and pulled out the last few pages.

“Dear Daichi,

I’m finally giving you all these letters that I’ve held onto for years now. It’s extremely embarrassing to see what I had written, honestly little me was completely smitten, but then again nothing has changed since my first letter. Actually things have changed.”

~we’ve got a lot to learn, God knows we’re worth it~

“I’m completely in love with you Sawamura Daichi. I’m more smitten than back then. I’ve learned more about you every day and every single thing I’ve learned has only made me fall harder and harder for you. You’re smile gives me strength, your words give me support; even when we’re fighting I love you because it gives me love. It gives me love that you feel so much that you need to yell for my sake. That it’s me you’re thinking about. Never in all those years could my little brain understand that you, this amazing human being, could ever feel the tiniest bit of love towards me. Now here we are and you feel so much love and it’s for me! I don’t know if I deserve all of it but I want to, I want it all, I want you. Please don’t shut me out. Don’t shut me out when you feel like the world is coming after you, because you are my light. You are the strong light in my life that brings me out of all my darkness and I want to be that for you.”

~I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough~

“You take all the time you need, but just know I am one word away. Just one word and I’ll be there by your side. It’s my favorite place in the world. You are not alone. I love you.”

Daichi had slid off his bed as the song slowly came to an end, the lyrics intertwining with Kuroo’s words until he couldn’t tell the two apart. Daichi had started the day feeling empty and weak but now he was full; his soul was full of love. The darkness in his mind had disappeared and he imagined it running with its tail between its legs, running far far away from him.

~I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up~

He grabbed his phone and hit the first speed dial listening to the rings fill up the now quiet room. He wiped his face and cleared his voice as he waited for the voice he needed to hear. The voice that had always given him more strength and love than he could imagine. When he heard the murmurs of it he found words tumbling out his mouth before the voice could form a sentence.

“You’re my light.”


End file.
